This is my story for Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenge Ten Titles You Made Up… Which was to take the title and do a 1000 word or less story for it. . . .so. . .this is what I got…
It’s a bit of a different take on the “sitting outside” part of the title. . .
They Sat Outside Eating Cake
“The monkeys are agitated again.” Nix hissed from several of her thousand mouths.
“They are always agitated about something.” He replied.
“Ya, but this seems like one of those big agitation things not just a little ripple.” Nix replied as she looked across years of time, watching the pattern bubble to the surface. “It’s building and building without any place to go.”
Cthulhu made a vile gurgling noise of annoyance.
“Don’t get mad at me.” Nix hissed.
“I’m not.” Cthulhu shuffled over to peer at the bubble Nix was describing. “It’s just damn annoying. They are finally getting it right and they are going to implode, yet again.”
“Maybe we should go talk to them and explain.” Nix offered without much hope the idea would find any acceptance.
“Ya, that’ll work.” Cthulhu chuckled and inadvertently caused a mud slide in Peru.
“Stand back you. Geesh!” Nix scolded him. “Look what you’ve done.” She said surveying the destruction. “You’ve got to keep a handle on that. Just because the monkeys are being stupid doesn’t give you the right to do that.”
Cthulhu twitched his tentacles apologetically. “Sorry.”
“It doesn’t do to vibrate the veil too much. Nothing good comes of that.” Nix smoothed the veil out again, purring soothingly until it was still.
“So what are the monkeys upset about this time?” Cthulhu asked.
“Oh, everything. Apparently they have separated themselves by every possible way of classifying each other to point out every difference so they can properly despise each other in every way. Right now apparently they are upset that people who look too much alike want cakes when it should be people who look different that get cakes.” Nix explained.
“Can’t they just share?” Cthulhu threw up half of his tentacles in frustration.
“I told you we should have used something a bit more group friendly. Monkeys are just nasty little cusses when you get down to it.” Nix told him.
Cthulhu shook his head. “Wouldn’t work, trust me. I’ve done the math. It has to be an omnivore that has a sweet tooth and is smart enough to figure out butter cream frosting or it’s just not worth it. Herbivores would make nasty cakes with no eggs and fluffiness and a carnivore would make it out of meat.“ He sighed a musical chorus of sighs that would, had it been heard by a lesser being, driven the listener mad. Nix, mother of night, she of a thousand whispers, however, found it somewhat soothing.
“We should go talk to them.” Nix said again.
“No.” Cthulhu objected again.
“Why?” Nix asked.
“Because every time I do that they go insane and start eating each other and every time you do they all start thinking the world is ending and then they stop making. . .”
“Cake.” Nix finished the sentence for him.
“Exactly. Hopefully they will stop caring about stupid things and stop worrying who has an inny and who has an outie and get back to the job.” Cthulhu said and Nix rippled the darkness in agreement.
“They are good at making cake.” Nix said after a few moments of non-time.
Cthulhu nodded in agreement.
“Can we. . .?” Nix let her voices drift off, the unasked question hanging in the air.
Cthulhu gurgled in amusement. “I suppose it can’t hurt too much.”
“I mean, they are already all worked up.” Nix said and Cthulhu nodded. “So what’s the harm?”
Great Cthulhu nodded in agreement.
“Let me make the hole though, you keep jiggling things too much.” Nix told him and Cthulhu stepped back to let her slide her many hands into the time space fabric so he could reach in.
“Get chocolate this time. No more of that tutti-frutti weird stuff. That’s not proper cake.” Nix said and Cthulhu sighed. He kind of liked the weird flavors but, he nodded. Chocolate was good too. As Nix slipped the veil ever so carefully outside a downtown bakery and made an opening, Cthulhu slide several of his huge tentacles in, deftly grabbing at the cakes within the shop. They both tried to ignore the screams and other assorted odd noises that followed as he pulled out a cache of cakes into the dark with them.
“Ewww.” Nix winced.
The monkeys were all upset now. Those in the shop apparently had gone quite mad and gone on a zombie like rampage through the city eating people. Cthulhu looked embarrassed.
“I told you. They freak out when they see me.” He said by way of explanation.
Nix shrugged and began to lay out the cakes in proper fashion so they could see what they had gotten. There was a wide array of flavors and styles and, thankfully, some good old fashioned chocolate cake as well. Nix purred in excitement.
Cthulhu though was watching over time and troubled by the monkeys growing instability. He wished he could just tell them to stop but, he knew they wouldn’t listen. They were all howling and hooting about their own vision of their purpose, their destiny. Nothing was going to calm them down but time and maybe less caffeine.
“We should just tell them.” Nix said.
“Can’t.” Cthulhu shook his head. “They’d never believe it.”
“But if they keep going off they will end up doing something drastic again.” Nix warned.
“And then…” Nix started.
“…No cake.” Cthulhu finished.
“Right.” Nix nodded. “ So we should tell them before they get all twisted up about their purpose or destiny again and start lobbing bombs.”
“They wouldn’t listen.” Cthulhu sighed.
“Then we slap the shit out of them and tell them Oiy! You! Shut up and make cake. That is what you little monkeys are supposed to do. That is all you are supposed to do. Now stop being fussy and make more cake!”
Cthulhu took a slice of cake. “They wouldn’t believe it.”
Nix sighed, he was right.
They just ate their cake sitting outside of space and time and watched the monkeys.